Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I need to calm my uterus...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
