I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
