remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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