I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
