If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
