He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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