I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize