I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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