On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Your cock deserves a montage
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
