you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
