Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
