if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
