If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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