so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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