his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i need to put some appletini on your dick
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
