Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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