Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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