you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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