3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
