i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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