from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
