a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize