thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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