How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
