I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
