Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
