Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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