we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
