Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
