I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
