found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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