i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I cut my penus on the lid.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
