i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
