We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
