I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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