Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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