dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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