she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
