Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
