I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
