that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
