don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
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Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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