yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
