I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
