finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
