I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
