i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
