Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
