You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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