Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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