At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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