i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
