He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
