Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
