Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize