I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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