i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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