dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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