you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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