oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
