Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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