I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
