I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
