she woke up with a sticky ear
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
