Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
