chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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