maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
