At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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