sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i think i just lost a toe
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
