so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
