she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
