I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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