Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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