i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
