she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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