I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
