You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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