he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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