There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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