I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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