Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
