I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
