I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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