May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
